80/20

Hey there, and a big warm welcome to my very first blog post! For those who haven't met me yet, I'm the lucky wife of the most incredible man, and we've been together for 20 amazing years. I'm also a proud mom to a beautiful little girl who’s now 8, and we're thrilled to have our second daughter arriving in March 2025! I've been a passionate photography for about 17 years, and I also work in education. Oh, and did I mention? I absolutely adore traveling and exploring the endless wonders of our world!

Now, let's dive into why I'm doing this!

About a year ago, my husband kicked off a podcast, and I've had the joy of being a guest twice. Each time, I received so many wonderful comments like, "Wow, you present yourself so well," or, "I resonated with everything you were saying, it was so raw." It really got me thinking—I have so much to share! One of the topics my husband and I discussed on his podcast was the 80/20 rule. Some of you might be scratching your heads, while others are probably chuckling, thinking, "Here we go again!" Today, I brought it up with my husband, and it's something we've taken quite seriously in our marriage.

Our marriage is rock-solid now, but it wasn't always that way. Couples go through ups and downs, and we were no exception. When our daughter was born, we thought we had the perfect baby. She slept 12-14 hours every night from 3-12 months, but after 12 months, things started to unravel. We were sleep-deprived, my husband was working shifts, and I was trying to keep everything together at home, but we were drowning. My amazing mother-in-law (bless her heart) moved in to help, allowing me to catch some sleep when my husband was working. Around 18 months old, our daughter had a seizure that changed our lives forever. She was intubated and placed on life support (I'll dive into this more in another post, but for now, here's some context). My husband and I both became angry and depressed, and I remember the darkness we faced. Thankfully, we got the help she needed from the incredible Stollery Children's Hospital and its amazing neuro team. At 2.5, our daughter was diagnosed with Autism, and at 5, with HSP (SPG 47). Again, I'll explain more about this in another post. But as you can imagine, it put a strain on our marriage. We stopped communicating, were sleep-deprived, and didn't spend quality time together. I grew resentful that he was out working while I was at home. We hardly spent time together, and he would have rathered be anywhere but home. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter with all my heart, but raising a child with special needs is incredibly HARD! Eventually, we found our rhythm, and our daughter started school. Enrolling her in a Catholic school was the best decision we ever made. We were welcomed by the most amazing team of teachers and EAs, who are now my dear friends. A year later, I began working at her school. Although I come from a faith background and attended church every Saturday from when I could walk until I was 17, I lost my way, and my husband was never one for faith. I can confidently say that because of the wonderful people and the incredible social network we've surrounded ourselves with, we've rediscovered our faith and found our village all in one place. We've never been happier!

Now, let's get back to the 80/20 rule. What is that, you ask? Well... It's also known as the Pareto Principle (if you don't know what it is, look it up, haha). It's about focusing on what truly matters in a relationship and avoiding the "grass is greener" syndrome.Focus on the 80% of what you love about your partner and don't try to change them for the 20%. Let's give an example: You love 80% of everything your spouse offers, but there's that 20% you find in someone else. So, you leave your spouse for this other person, but now, while they have that 20%, they're missing the other 80%. THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER. Focusing on your marriage, communication, and respect are of utmost importance in our home. Without these, marriages can crumble—believe me, ours almost did. But we found a way to look past the small things and focus on the bigger picture. We now live by the 80/20 rule. We know there will always be something one of us dislikes about the other; no marriage is perfect (and if you say yours is, you're lying to yourself). But showing up, communicating when something isn't right or you're frustrated, not letting things build up to a breaking point, and respecting that this person is the mother/father of your children, someone you promised to love and cherish for life, through good times and bad—show them the respect they deserve.

This is just my take on it, and at the end of the day, everyone is dealing with something unknown to others. If I can encourage, help, or spark a conversation for someone, that's why I started this. Anyway, I don't want to go on and on, even though I absolutely could. I'll wrap up my first post here. I look forward to my next one and hope to inspire someone along the way.

So until next time,

Love you more...

xoxo

Courtney

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